Deeper than the Reach of Love by James Leonard Park.

    Whatever the state of our relationships
—whether close and warm, boring and cool, or non-existent—
we should distinguish our experience of interpersonal loneliness
from the much deeper, more central, loneliness of spirit.

    Loneliness of spirit is really a void within ourselves,
a hollowness that cannot be filled with other people
—no matter how close, warm, & fulfilling our relationships might be.
The yearning we feel is real; it comes from the depths of our selves.
But love is not the answer to this existential yearning.
Fusing with another person will not solve all our problems.
If our real problem is our Existential Malaise—felt as loneliness—
even the most ideal loving relationship will not fill this aching void.

    For a time, probably, love will cover our inner emptiness,
but after the initial period of emotional excitement is over,
our fundamental hollowness will make itself felt again.
Then we might blame each other for our alienation.
We might respond to the reappearance of loneliness
by changing partners.
With a new person to love, we can become lost in romance again,
forgetting momentarily our inner incompleteness of being.

    The belief that 'true love' will solve our Existential Dilemma
is one of the strongest illusions of the Western world.
Perhaps only a series of disappointments will convince us
that love cannot solve our loneliness of spirit.

I. Five Differences between
        Interpersonal Loneliness and Existential Loneliness

   1. Both the longing for a specific person and the general urge
to make connections with others are clearlyinterpersonalfeelings.
But existential loneliness only seemsto be yearning for love.
Even the best love will not abolish our loneliness of spirit.
After a while, the inner lack or hollowness gnaws thru again.

    2. Interpersonal loneliness results from being isolated and alone.
When we reunite with the people we love, our loneliness disappears.
But when being together with the people we love
does not overcome our 'loneliness', it might be loneliness of spirit.
We might feel 'lonely', incomplete, & unfulfilled
even when we are receiving all the loving we could ask for.
Nothing others can do will abolish this 'loneliness'
because the problem is inward rather than interpersonal.

    3. Interpersonal loneliness is usually temporary;
when our relationships improve, this loneliness disappears.
But loneliness of spirit is a permanentcondition of our beings.
Independent of the ups and downs of our love-lives,
our inward loneliness remains—a persistent lack of wholeness.

    4. Interpersonal loneliness affects only one part of our lives.
But existential loneliness affects everydimension of existence.
We feel incomplete, inadequate, miserable in everything.

    5. We know how tocureinterpersonal loneliness: Find people.
It is seldom easy to create good personal relationships,
but at least we know some appropriate ways
to open ourselves to others.
But rearranging our relationships
will not cure our existential loneliness.
In fact, we might be disappointed to feel essentially 'lonely'
even when our relationships are going quite well.
Our central hollowness remains unfulfilled
no matter what the state of our personal relationships.

II. How Does it Feel to be Existentially Lonely?

    Loneliness of spirit is discovered in our depths.
Sometimes, when we least expect it, lonelinessfreezesus.
Or perhaps it feels like the bottom dropping out of our being.
We feel incomplete, as if something important is missing.
We feel shaky and insecure inside, weak and 'clingy'.
Sometimes this gnawing deficiency makes us want to 'devour' others
—to get as much of them as possible,
to complete our egos by possessing them.
Or we might seek to be supported and protected by others.

III. Beyond Existential Loneliness